The DQ of Amherst College

Ewelina Przybyszewski ‘13

If the universe has a center, it would be Ewelina Pryzbjphp…..WHATEVER. While most at Amherst College come from ordinary backgrounds, Ewelina grew up in a most unorthodox way….

It all began in Northern Poland, in the small town of Czestochowa, where Ewelina was abandoned by her parents. They were utterly revolted by her sickeningly pasty white skin and immediately fled the country. Later that day, she was found by pack of thick-haired wolves, who believed her to be a bald albino rodent. Naturally intelligent and savvy, she became one of the pack and blended in using her long thick mane of yellow hair to assert her dominance. Being a human among wolves, she learned from a young age how to get what she wants.  When she was 10 years old, she left the pack to pursue her dream of taking her rightful place as RULER OF THE UNIVERSE. Unfortunately, it was hard for her to be taken seriously because many mistook her for a Siberian munchkin-rodent hybrid, causing everyone to run away! She eventually found herself at Amherst College, home of misfits and socially-challenged students.

Ewelina gets in the mood by listening to Shakira’s She-Wolf and howling at the moon. On any given night, you can find her preying on men, dragging them back to her dark cave and eating their hearts out. Her favorite late-night delights come from upperclassmen who are wooed by her sweet, enchanting looks. If you see her lurking around the corner, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!