The DQ of Amherst College

Szu-Raj Kothari



Szu was born deep in the Ontarian wilderness. It is said that he honed his primal, sultry singing voice while living among Algonquin Timber Wolves, howling to herald the waxing of each full moon. At 9 years of age, Szu renounced his title as alpha of his pack in order to allow the local ecosystem to return to it’s natural balance. After fashioning a crude rowing apparatus from the trunk of a mighty oak, he began his solo journey across Lake Huron. By the time he reached the southern shore, he wielded an oar like a master boatsman. Szu-Raj Kothari’s lats were unreal, bro. He traveled eastward on foot, stopping only when strangers offered him hospitality in exchange for songs and poetry telling the epic history of the untamed north-western regions. Word of this brassy-voiced traveler preceded him, reaching the ears of Biddy Martin. Biddy completed an Amherst application which she submitted in Szu’s name, gaining early decision acceptance. The acappella community rejoiced at Szu’s arrival on campus. He was the prettiest girl at the ball. Szu deemed The DQ worthy of his talents after watching the singers perform a masterful Britney Spears medley in the nude. His journey continues.