Andrew Eddins. He assassinates people, except not really. You could never catch him if he did, though. He’s just too fast for speed—no, not faster than the speed of light but faster than speed itself. He pledges an online frat, so he’s a real bro, na’mean? Actually, he only does it because Amherst doesn’t have frats and none of the underground ones would take him, not that there are underground frats. Actually, I don’t think any of that was true. I don’t even know if anything written here is true. Just know that if you hear a poppin’ bass line, it’s Andrew Eddins.