The DQ of Amherst College

Brandon Medina ’19

On what was almost the most momentously terrible day in the history of humankind, a ton of galactic princes gathered for a meeting at a junction of space-lanes on the interplanetary highway system, at a point near the planet Earth. They decided to obliterate Earth because in their opinion it’s blue and green color was an eyesore that clashed with the earthy red and tan hues of neighboring Mars and Venus. In an extremely lucky and fortunate coincidence for the inhabitants of Earth, who were completely oblivious to what was happening, a travelling singer-playwright named Brandon happened upon the group of Princes as they were about to turn on a colossal vacuum cleaner that would suck up the planet and forever remove it from the fabric of the universe. (In a manner similar to how humans use their vacuum cleaners to remove trash from the fabric of their carpets, only on a somewhat larger scale). Brandon, who thought the Earth looked rather pretty, immediately took action. “Gallant princes, I implore you to spare this planet,” he said. Then he passionately broke out in song. In his sonorous and resonant bass tone, he sung a song so beautiful that it touched the hearts of the princes. And as the final note died out, so did their wish for the Earth to be destroyed. Though they were unaware of it, Brandon had just saved all of the humans and animals of Earth from sudden extinction. “Brandon, I have a new jersey to give you”, declared the leader of the princes as he handed Brandon a brand new jersey. The jersey was actually more of a blazer than a jersey, and it was white. “Also, here are some jeans and a black t-shirt.” Brandon donned the clothes the prince gave him, and at that instant, a magnificent harmony emanated from the Earth and reached Brandon. The prince nodded knowingly. “Your mission is to travel to the Earth and find other people wearing clothes like these”, continued the prince. “When your voice joins them, the grace of their singing will grow even greater”, the prince said prophetically. “I shall do as you instruct, good prince”, replied Brandon faithfully. When Brandon set foot on the Earth, he found himself in a town, which he decided to name Princeton Junction, New Jersey, to commemorate the fact that on that day he had met a ton of princes at a junction and received a new jersey from them. He settled in this town, and assimilated seamlessly into human society. He spent his leisure time jumping on trampolines, reading, and writing. At one point, he may have travelled back in time to write the plays which today are attributed to Shakespeare. After years of preparations, Brandon embarked on his quest to find some chill guys and galsy wearing the same clothes as him. As he trekked through the mountains and forests of New England, Brandon heard tales of a famed a cappella group known as the DQ of Amherst College, whose members wore white jackets. As Brandon neared Amherst College, he approached campus by way of a hilly meadow, where the birds gathered around him and sang in celebration of his coming. Today this meadow is known as the Bird Sanctuary, and birds can be heard singing to passing students there today, in commemoration of Brandon’s arrival. The DQ welcomed Brandon into their ranks, and although they were unaware he had saved them from extinction, they sure did appreciate getting to sing with such a cool guy. And thus ends the the legend of how Brandon saved the Earth, named Princeton Junction, New Jersey, and joined the DQ