The DQ of Amherst College

Lesley Martinez ’20

Lesley Martinez, commonly known to GroupMe users as “Lesley Martinez 2: The Sequel,” has one secret that is greater than all other secrets ever known to any human ever. And yet somehow I know this secret…and I’ve only known Lesley for a few months. Such is the remarkable power of the DQ bond. Anyway, I digress. This secret is so great, so esoteric, so profound, and so…well…secret, that I risk serious penalty by deciding to reveal it here. Nevertheless, I must put random internet users above my own safety and say that…

Lesley is a unicorn.

She was born in the year 1111 in New Brunswick, New Jersey to a family of 888 purple unicorns. This, of course, is why purple is her favorite color. As a child, she would often wake up to find 887 purple unicorns ceremoniously bowing and worshipping the very bed in which she slept, the very floor on which she walked, and of course Lesley Martinez 2: The Sequel, herself. You may be wondering, “Why in the world was Lesley so greatly revered?” That’s a fantastic question, and I wondered the same thing myself until I showed up to the first day of DQ rehearsal and I heard her angelic voice wafting from the practice room. In fact, in that very moment, I immediately thought to myself, “My god, I’ll bet she was raised by purple unicorns.”

As Lesley grew older, she developed a strong passion for her Mexican roots while simultaneously developing her love of pozole and pumpkin pie. Rumor has it that Lesley actually doesn’t limit herself ONLY to foods that begin with the letter ‘p’ but we don’t yet have enough evidence to make a definitive statement.

In addition to Lesley’s musical hobbies, she also happens to be the official 1645 Milky Way Galaxy Badminton Champion. She also holds the title from the years 1233, 1487, 1614, 1640, 1641, 1643, and 1644. Bottom line: don’t play badminton with her…unless you want to be first distracted by her angelic and melodious voice, and then, in your moment of badminton-vulnerability, metaphorically stabbed by her unicorn horn. That’s just how good she is.

During her time off from school, Lesley enjoys expressing her love of the color purple by (remarkably and miraculously, I might add) casting some sort of spell that makes her hair turn purple. She can, of course, make her hair change to any color. I only know this because I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Otherwise I wouldn’t believe it either.

She is currently undeclared, but her passionate interest in sociology leads her to hopefully soon be a sociology major herself. I think we all know she will excel in this field, particularly of course, with her badminton skills always in her back pocket just in case the need should arise to just swat a fly in her office or something.